Collision
by SuckyFanFictions
Summary: "Are you okay?" "I'm fine." "You look sad." "Then stop looking." Izuku has seen Katsuki display an array of emotions during the 11 years he's known him, but he's never seen him like this. This overwhelming, suffocating aura of sadness. He's never seen that expression... Katsuki realizes what an ass he's been. He doesn't know how to fix it. Everyone is worried about him. (Swearing)
1. Chapter 1

How did it get to this point?

"I'm gonna enjoy crushing your fucking windpipe, you brat."

Katsuki laughs humorlessly. Fucking pathetic.

"Go right a-fucking-head. Saves me the trouble of doing it myself," he says. He can feel the hysteria taking over, winces at the corners of his mouth cracking from his grin. From this angle, he sees Class 1-A-what remains, anyway.

How?

Briefly, he makes eye contact with Kirishima. His usually smiling eyes are wide, no trace of humor left in them.

How did it end up this way?

"Baku...gou.." he hears to his right. He doesn't have to look to know it's Kaminari.c

"Bakugou! What the hell, man! At least use your quirk or something! You-" Kirishima's words are cut off with a gargle. He falls to the side, body thrashing and seizing in shock.

Why?

"Go ahead! It'll be a weight off everyone's back! No one gives a shit, right!? I'm more suited to be a villain, right!? Ochako! Isn't that what you said, you round face bitch!?"

Uraraka doesn't answer.

Stop.

"Heroes kill villains, right Shitty Glasses? Didn't you all tell me I wasn't fit to be a hero? If heroes kill villains, I should just end it here! Since I 'obviously can't choose', huh? Todoroki!"

Aren't these my friends?

Katsuki can feel his gaze. It's molten hot, piercing the side of his face. He can hear the bastard urging him to turn around with his eyes.

Friends? Yea fucking right. I don't deserve friends. I don't deserve anything. I already proved that.

"Do it. I dare you." He wonders what kind of expression he's wearing this time.

"Kacc-!"

What happened?

Deku…

* * *

Kacchan!

No.

Wow, Kacchan! Your quirk is so cool!

It fucking isn't.

I can't wait for mine to come in!

No, stop.

K-kacchan?

Stop it.

W-why, kacchan?

Deku, please.

It hurts.

It hurts, Kacchan….

No...stop….

Why did you hurt me, Kacchan?

Fucking stop. No. No-!

Katsuki sat up quickly, chest heaving and back rigid. There was a burning smell in the air, almost as if he was about to set off an explosion, but held back at the last minute. He opened his eyes, taking notice of his outstretched arm. He pulled it back down to his side with a sigh.

"Fuck."

He sighed once more, bringing his hand to massage his temple. He didn't close his eyes. He didn't think he'd like what he saw. He spared a glance at his clock, groaning at the time displayed. 4:27 A.M. If I was gonna wake up, couldn't I do it at a time closer to when school starts? Katsuki threw the blanket covering his legs to the side He stood, stretching his legs for a few seconds, before making his way to the kitchen. He flicked on the light switch and grabbed the half empty water bottle from the counter, chugging it all in one go.

Katsuki stood in silence.

Kacchan….

He crushed the bottle between his fingers. Stupid fucking dreams.

He doesn't know when the nightmares started. Maybe it was sometime last year? Ah, whatever. He can't be fucked to pinpoint an exact time. It's kind of pathetic, really, how a few offhand doubts managed to worm their way into his daily routine so easily. He used to fear them, he thinks. Used to shake at the thought of the demons his mind used against him at night. Now he embraces them with open arms.

What choice does he have? He can't get rid of them, he can't escape them, he can't even take refuge in reality because things aren't much better there either. Not like he deserves it. What else can he do, rather than welcome them wholeheartedly? Katsuki Bakugou had enough of a shitstorm going on already. He didn't need even more from his mind piled on top. His heart was already attacking him enough. Katsuki was still deciding on whether the pain was a good thing or not. His brain was leaning towards yes.

Kacchan wasn't a very well liked individual. He's loud, brash, and, quite frankly, one of the rudest people Izuku knew. His overall aura screamed 'danger danger do not touch', and the only ones that bothered to get close were the dumb and reckless. (See: Eijirou Kirishima.) Izuku knows that seeing Kacchan smile, actually smile almost never happened, but something was...off. He seems more tired than usual . No, this wasn't Kacchan's usual arrogant indifference. This was darker, almost alarmingly so.

"Kacchan?"

Katsuki rolled his eyes, turning to face the person he least wanted to see. All of the blood in Deku's face seemed to drain in that instant. Katsuki arched a brow.

"What do you want, Deku?"

He was met with silence.

He ground his teeth, trying not to get too irritated. He waited a few more seconds, all of which were filled with silence. Can't he get on with it? I'm hungry...

"What the fuck is wrong with you? Is there something on my face or some shit?"

That seemed to snap Izuku out of whatever weird place he'd just gone to. His eyes met Katsuki's, and a flicker of fear crossed his face. An image flashed through Katsuki's head, little Deku dirty and sniffling on the ground-fuck no. Not fucking now.

"I was just-"

Katsuki rolled his eyes, brushing his bangs out of his face. "You were just…?"

Izuku seemed almost paralyzed, eyes wide and nose twitching slightly. He looks like a fucking rabbit . Katsuki banged his fist on the desk in annoyance. "Damn it, Deku! Spit it out!"

Izuku flinched, the action panging somewhere deep within Katsuki's heart, making it hard to breathe for a second. He took a few deep breaths, clutching his chest. As if that would make the pain go away. He could feel those eyes on him, the eyes that were probably making the same expression as that day. He really didn't want to, really fucking didn't, but he looked up anyway. Deku looked fucking terrified. He wasn't sure he was faring much better.

'That's right. You should be fucking scared of me.' That sounds like something I'd think, right?

"Ah-nevermind. S-sorry Kacchan," Izuku said shakily, grabbing his things and heading to the cafeteria with the rest of the class. Katsuki squeezed his eyes shut, trying to chase the picture away. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't shake the image of Deku on the ground, near tears, because of his doing. He didn't notice all too familiar green eyes watching him from the door. The tell-tale burning in his nose started up. Somehow he'd lost his appetite.

Something wasn't right. No shit, Sherlock , he heard in his mind. The voice sounded suspiciously like Kacchan. Izuku never held eye contact with him for a long time, a habit he'd learned to stick to over the years. He didn't have much experience with looking at Kacchan head on, but he did have was a lifetime of observation and admiration. He'd never seen Kacchan so... wrong . The purple bruising and pallid skin didn't sit right in his stomach. Izuku shivered at the memory.

Is he sleeping enough? Does he have a job now? Maybe he started training and has to adjust? All three?

"-ku."

If we get out of class at 1500 and he goes to work until 1800 and gets home at 1820 and trains until 2100 he can go to bed at 2200 but what about homework? He does do it right he's third in our class so maybe if we take the training time down-

"Izuku!"

"-or maybe cut out the job in general but that doesn't work either if sleep is the issue well maybe he just stays up late and forgets to sleep or maybe sleep isn't the issue because he was fine before now with the same schedule-"

"IZUKU MIDORIYA!"

Izuku jumped, looking up from his tray. He met the eyes of Iida and Uraraka, both with worried expressions on their faces.

"Y-yes!"

"Are you okay?" Uraraka asked. She brought her hand to his forehead. "Do you have a fever? You were getting awfully red there for a sec."

"A-ah, no. Sorry Uraraka. I was just thinking about something." Wow. A+ explanation. Bravo, Izuku.

"Okay…" she replied, averting her eyes. She didn't look like she quite believed him. He saw her share a look with Tenya out of the corner of his eye. With a sigh, Deku stood. The churning in his stomach still hadn't gone away.

Katsuki felt Deku's eyes on him for the rest of the day. He ignored it.

"Kacchan!"

Keep walking, keep walking, keep walking…

" Kacchan! " Fuck no. Only one person called him that, and it just so happened to be the person he was actively avoiding at that moment.

Please, whatever fucking deity there is, please don't let him walk up to me …

He felt a presence behind him, and it wasn't long before a hand dropped on his shoulder. Fuck . Slowly, Katsuki turned around. He hoped his face wasn't as pained as he was. "Yea?"

Deku looked surprised for a moment, just like earlier-Katsuki drug a hand across his mouth-but smiled again. "Can I walk with you today?"

Katsuki sighed. He should say no. He should just tell Deku to fuck off. That they aren't fucking friends, nor will they ever be. He should squash whatever hope is left that they can make amends. He really fucking should. His stomach clenched at the thought.

"Do whatever the hell you want," he said plainly. He turned around and started walking again. He didn't look, but he could feel Deku next to him. He was like the fucking sun, cheerful and warm to the point of it almost being too much. They were complete opposites. It was fucking exhausting.

He's doing it again. I wonder if he knows how sad he looks ? Izuku looked to his left, eyes trained on the downward tilt of Kacchan's mouth. At that point in their lives, Deku had seen an array of Katsuki's emotions before, but-but he's never seen him like this . This overwhelming, suffocating aura of sadness. He's never seen that expression on Kacchan's face. It's terrifying.

No matter what anyone says, Katsuki's not an idiot. He's perfectly capable of understanding emotions and reading facial expressions, thank you very much. He knew why Deku kept looking at him. Shit, he could smell his concern from a mile away. His face must've been doing something stupid again. He never was good at hiding his emotions.

The real issue came up when they kept making awkward eye contact whenever Katsuki looked up for more than two seconds. It was really starting to piss him off. Did that mean he was gonna acknowledge the issue like the semi-adult he was? Hell no. It was still really fucking annoying, though.

Deku, being the great fucking human he is, thanked Katsuki for walking with him. Katsuki grunted in response. He was fucking exhausted. He felt like a creep watching Deku go into his house from down the street, but whatever.

He literally hopped up his steps- what the hell, Deku? -and opened his bag. Katsuki could see him panicking, searching everywhere. He sighed, dropping his bag on the ground and took a seat on the third step. He forgot his keys? Fucking nerd . Katsuki would've invited him over, but he isn't that nice and this isn't a shoujo manga. I don't get that type of ending. Oh well. It's too late to turn over a new leaf now.

When Katsuki woke up that night, he had a fleeting thought. If Deku is the innocent, naive bunny, then he's the cruel, bloodthirsty wolf. He laughed to himself.

Fitting.


	2. Chapter 2

"I want to win and surpass you, you idiot!"

Katsuki remembers that day well. It was still on his mind, one week later.

The rush, the adrenaline in his veins even after the fight was over. Shaking in the corner, barely able to breathe through the pounding in his chest.

Does that mean...even if we fought all out..Deku would completely…? He was shaken from his thoughts by All Might; the teacher led him back inside to review the results.

"Whether you win or lose, looking back and learning from your experiences is a part of life," he said. Katsuki shook him off. I already know that. I don't need you to fucking remind me . He felt numb. There's no way that nerd beat me..! But he did. Watching Todoroki's match confirmed it. I can't win where I am now.

His mind was a hurricane of thoughts and emotions. Rage. Disappointment. Pride. Underneath all of that though, there was something else. Something more painful. Even though he'd never had experience with it, he knew what it was. Guilt. He thought back to his match against Deku. He'd slammed him against the ground, punched him, beat him until he passed out. And for what? Because he thought Deku was lying about his quirk? Holy shit. I could've killed him. I could've actually fucking killed him. For the first time in his life, he, Katsuki Bakugou, felt guilty . "An obviously personal grudge," Yaoyorozu had said. It took every ounce of self control he had left just to keep himself in check. I'm not the best. Not anymore .

"Good work everyone!" All Might said cheerfully. Like everything was okay. "We didn't have any major injuries other than Young Midoriya, either!"

The feeling came back. Guilt , he reminded himself.

"You all did a good job for your first training!" Yea fucking right. "Well then, I must review the results with Young Midoriya!" Bakugou felt a weighted stare. He didn't have to look to know it was All Might. He'd bet money on the fact that it was most likely the same expression Deku made. Katsuki clenched his fist, keeping his stare facing downward.

"Hey man," he heard, before and arm draped across his shoulders. It was the loud redhead-hair-for-brains, Katsuki dubbed him-from earlier. (Eijirou Kirishima, he later found out.) "Are you okay? Whatever Midoriya said to you really shook you up, huh?" The hell are you touching me for?

Katsuki shook him off. "I don't wanna talk about it."

"Alright, alright. No need to bite," he said jokingly. "Really though, if you ever need to talk, man to man, I'm here."

Not fucking likely, he thought. "Yea, okay," he said instead. Red hair didn't speak for a second. "Bakugou," he said after a moment. His tone of voice voice made Katsuki look up at him.

"Fucking what? What do you-"

His voice got stuck in his throat. That look. What is it with damn look ? Why did everyone look at him like that? Why did everyone look at him like Deku did?

"I'm serious." Red hair's eyes were too fucking earnest. "I know we just met or whatever, but you can talk to me." Why? Why is he looking at me like that?

"Okay, man. I got it," Katsuki replied. If his voice sounded strained to his own ears, he wondered how it must sound to the other. He didn't think he wanted to find out. Hair-for-brains gave him one last pat on the back before running to talk to his blonde counterpart.

The chatter of his classmates faded into the background like white noise. His mind was a fucking mess, but one thought rang clear. I did that. I did that to Deku.

Katsuki was on edge for the rest of the day. What the hell ? His skin felt too hot, almost to the point of being feverish; his heart wouldn't stop pounding. "What is this?" he whispered to himself, clutching his chest. (Katsuki swears this was the beginning of that stupid as hell habit.) "Fuck, I can't do this." He grabbed his bag and headed to the door.

"Bakugou! Where ya headed?"

Katsuki looked back at hair-for-brain's blonde friend. He rolled his eyes. I don't have time for this shit .

"Nowhere you need to worry about," he grumbled. He didn't stay to see his reaction.

Katsuki was halfway to the entrance when his phone buzzed.

"Message from Eijirou Kirishima. Who the hell..?" he trailed off. A heavy feeling weighed in his gut at the message on his screen.

Heads up. Midoriya headed ur way

"Shit."

Katsuki pulled his bag higher on his shoulder and started walking double the pace he was before. "Since when the hell did I start avoiding Deku?" he muttered to himself. You know the reason why. Whatever. He could think about that later. He was almost there, just a few more feet-

"Kacchan!"

Goddamn it.

Katsuki kept walking. Just because the idiot called out to him didn't mean he had to respond. He thought Deku would get the point and leave him alone, but no, of course not, cause Deku never knew when to fucking quit.

"Kacchan!" Deku yelled again, his voice accompanied by his hastening footsteps. Katsuki didn't turn his head until he was a few feet away.

"What?" he replied, looking at Deku out of the corner of his eye. His own voice made him wince. It was too loaded. It gave too much away.

Deku looked anxious, making that same face he always made when looking at Katsuki for more than three seconds. He guessed his own face must have been showing what he felt, because Deku's eyes quickly found his feet. Good. I don't want you fucking looking at me right now .

"There's one thing I feel like I have to tell you," Deku mumbled.

"The hell?" Katsuki asked, turning around fully. "For fucks sake, Deku. Speak up, don't start your muttering bullshit-"

"My Quirk is something I received from someone else.

Katsuki's mouth snapped shut. "Huh?"

"I can't say who I got it from, though!" Deku said quickly. "I won't say...but it's like a story out of comic books, except it's true."

Katsuki was speechless. Deku still wouldn't look at him.

"On top of that, I still can't control it properly. It's still just a borrowed power that I haven't made my own yet."

Katsuki growled. The hell is this shit?

"That's why...that's why I tried to beat you without using it," Deku said. He sounded disappointed in himself.

What the hell? What kind of fucking idiot does he take me for!? Katsuki clenched his fists. He could feel himself start to shake, and his gums ached from grinding his teeth so hard.

"I've still got a long way to go...That's why…"

He felt the vein in his eye throb.

"That's why…" Deku continued, bringing his arm up to his sling. "One day, I will make this quirk my own...and beat you with my own power!" He looked shocked at his own words.

Deku's eyes finally met his, and Katsuki was faced with that face, that same goddamn, determined face Deku made when he said he was applying to U.A. It pissed him off. Everything about Deku pissed him off. Especially this bullshit story…!

Katsuki was sure he was making a stupid face because Deku was making a dumb as fuck one right back.

"What the hell is that?" Katsuki growled out. He let his bangs cover his face and clenched his eyes shut. "'Borrowed power'? You're talking nonsense." He ground his teeth even harder.

"What are you trying to do, make me out to be a fool more than you already have? Huh!?" he questioned. Shit. My voice is getting choked up . He took in a shaky breath. "What are you trying to say? Today, I lost to you…"

Katsuki could feel his composure starting to trickle away. "That's all it was…that's all-!" he started. His mind flashed back to Todoroki, to his words at his fight. I can't win where I am now...can't win can't win can't win … "When I watched the ice-guy, I thought, 'I can't beat him'!" Why am I telling Deku all of this? He remembered Yaoyorozu's words. An obviously personal grudge …

He brought his hand to his face, tilting his head back. "Damn it! I ended up agreeing to what that ponytail girl said!" He yanked his hand back down to his side, clenching and unclenching his fists. It took everything he had to keep his Quirk at bay. "Damn it, damn it, damn it !" he could feel the strain in his throat when his voice cracked.

"Hey, you too, Deku!" His fists trembled. Why couldn't he stop fucking shaking? His voice shook along with his shoulders, and it took too much effort to keep himself from bursting into tears. He wasn't quite successful. He looked Deku right in the eyes and said, "I'm just getting started!" The burning in his nose and the lump in his throat were unfamiliar, but he knew what the hot trails making their way down his cheeks were. He must have looked like a fucking idiot. God, this fucking sucks. How does Deku do this all the time?

"You hear!? Here, I will become number one! Not you, not that frozen bastard, me! Do you hear me!? Deku!?"

Deku gave him that fucking look again. Katsuki hated it. He hated the determined set to his feature, his focused gaze, because maybe, just maybe, he could become better with that look. Better than him. Katsuki fucking hated it.

He bit his lip, turning on his heel. Fuck Deku. He brought his sleeve to his eyes. Get your shit together. Fuckin' pathetic. "You won't beat me again, bastard!"

Deku was still fucking looking at him.

"There he is!" Katsuki heard from the building. He knew it was All Might.

"Young-Baku-gouuuu!" Katsuki chuckled to himself. That's some weird ass pentameter. He felt the same heavy grip from earlier on his shoulder. "Just so you know, pride is important."

Here we fucking go, Katsuki thought. "You definitely have the abilities needed to become a pro. You still have a lot of-"

"Let go of me, All Might. I can't walk."

"Hm?"

Katsuki looked back at All Might over his shoulder. "I'll become a hero that surpasses even you without you telling me what I gotta do! Just watch!"

"Huh?"

Katsuki growled. "Fucking let go."

"U-uh, right."

All Might took a step back. Great. Now he had two heavy gazes on his back. Wait, make that five. He knew the three girls were watching from the window.

"Young Midoriya, what were you two talking about?"

"A-ah-um, we were just-"

"You're an amazing person, so that's why I want to beat you!"

Bask in it, fuckers. That was the first and last time you'll ever see me cry .

Katsuki made a small explosion in his hand. He looked to his right at Deku. He was still in his sling. An amazing person, huh, Deku ?

"Bakugou."

"I know it might be logical, but please refrain from detonating everyone," Aizawa said plainly. How the fuck is that logical? And get some sleep, your eyes are fuckin' creepy. Not like I have any room to talk ...

"Yea, whatever," Katsuki replied, redirecting his gaze to the window.

"For that, you can come solve the next equation."

He looked at the board. Fuck. He hated conic sections.

*

"Excuse me!"

"You're fucking excused, now leave me the hell alone," Katsuki mumbled under his breath.

"Excuse me-Oh? Aren't you the one that was caught by the sludge villain?"

Katsuki's eye twitched.

"Stop it!"

"But we'd just like to ask a few questions about All Might and maybe get a comment on that inci-"

"I said fucking quit! If you almost drowned to death in a fucking sewer, would you want people asking you about it? Instead of bugging students about All Might, why don't you go ask him about it when he's saving people? If you haven't noticed, he does that a lot!"

His breathing was labored after his rant. Okay, went maybe just a little too far there. The reporters looked at him with horrified faces, ranging from shocked to outright disgusted by his behavior. He rolled his eyes. When he made it to the top, he was never talking to a fucking reporter again.

"Good work on last week's combat training. I saw the video and the results," Aizawa remarked.

"Excuse me!"

Katsuki looked back. It was ponytail girl. He grunted. After last week, seeing her face pissed him off. "Wouldn't it have made more sense to review this the day after?"

Always the smartass.

"It's so we had time to reflect on what we could have done different," Katsuki said monotonously. "Heroes are always realizing what they could have done after the shit's been done, so they want us to get used to considering every possible outcome before we actually go to the field so we can be ready for most scenarios. I'm surprised you didn't figure that out, Ms. Recommendation. Guess your running commentary last week was a one time thing then?"

He could feel the stares of most of the class. So he was feeling talkative today, was that a crime? Katsuki rolled his eyes and leaned his head on his hand. Okay, so maybe he was being more of a dick than usual. Maybe. Ponytail looked from him to Aizawa.

"You're just gonna let him get away with that?" she asked. She looked scandalized. Katsuki laughed. Nevermind. Definitely more of a dick.

"Well, he's not wrong. You're considering the fact that you were doing exactly what he said, right? It was a logical ruse meant to make you aware," Aizawa stated. He was making that same derpy face he made on the first day. The. Exact. Same. One. It was disturbing.

"You look like Saitama. Fucking quit," he said quietly. He was sure no one heard him, but Deku snickered next to him along with the ear girl in front of him. He shot a sideways glare towards Deku, but the action made his chest hurt. The feeling from before that he'd become accustomed to over the week. God dammit. What the hell? Why now?

He was roused from his thoughts by Aizawa. "Bakugou, you're talented, so don't act like a kid. Although I see you've done some growing up already." Katsuki frowned. He was still pissed about the conic sections from earlier.

"I know," he said shortly.

"And Midoriya," Aizawa began. Katsuki could feel his stomach drop. "You settled it by breaking your arm again, huh?"

The sinking feeling got heavier. He wouldn't have broken his arm if I would have just fucking listened for once , Katsuki thought. Then he remembered Deku's bullshit story. He deserved that broken arm, and that burn on his other.

No he fucking didn't. You know he didn't.

Katsuki brought his hand up to clutch at his dug his nails in. Maybe the pain outside could stop the fucking pity party he had going on inside. It didn't. He dug his nails in deeper anyway.


	3. Chapter 3

The only warning he had was the bang of a door and a series of heavy, angry footsteps before his door banged open with enough force to put a hole in the wall. Katsuki took one earbud out, turning to look at the fuming woman in his doorway.

"What?" he asked apathetically, meeting his mother's eyes. Her expression was absolutely livid, feet spread wide and fist still smoking. Katsuki gulped. His mother was about as hot-headed and loud as he normally was, but she looked ready to kill. That could only mean-

"KA-TSU-KIII!" she roared, each syllable punctuated by another step in his direction. He tried to scoot his chair back a little farther in an attempt to get away, but she was too quick. She grabbed him by the drawstring of his hoodie and pulled him to her eye level. She stared at him for a few seconds, scowl becoming more prominent the more time went by. After a few moments, she released him. Katsuki let out a breath he wasn't aware he'd been holding in. Just as he was about to turn away and get back to his homework, she whacked him upside the head with a roll of papers she held in her other fist.

"Ow! What the-" he exclaimed, jerking his head back to face her. Before he could get another word in, she grabbed him by the nose and pulled him down to her height. "What the fuck? Let me go!" Katsuki demanded.

"Katsuki…" she began, tone shaking with barely controlled rage.

"What ?" he questioned. He was pissed. I already asked what she wanted, but she decided to stare into my fucking soul instead. If she'd just say what she wanted, we wouldn't have to do this bullshit twice every time.

"I got a call from the school today. Care to tell me why?"

Her tone was sweet, but Katsuki knew better. He learned that trick from her, after all.

"No fucking clue." His tone conveyed his eyeroll. Clearly, he didn't want to deal with this.

"Oh yea?" she asked, voice still deceptively honeyed. She let go of his nose and moved her hand to his shoulder. Why does everyone always grab me by the shoulder? Do they feel nice or some shit?

"So, nothing happened?"

"Nothing."

"Not anything you wanna tell me about? Nothing at all?"

"Nope."

"I see," she replied. She brought her hand back to her side and turned to leave. "Well, I'll just be leaving then."

Katsuki rolled his eyes. 3...2...1…

"YEA FUCKIN' RIGHT!" she exclaimed. Quick as lightning, she turned on her heel, grabbing him by the hood and pulling him into a headlock. The air left him in a whoosh, winding him. He knew it was coming but it still took him by surprise. "If nothing happened, why did I get a call and a bill from the fucking school then!? Huh!?"

"Get off!" Katsuki grunted, shoving his elbow back to give himself some room. "I said, let-go-! Get off me, woman!"

"You destroyed ¥46,000 worth of shit, you brat!" she yelled, tugging on his ear. "And you left campus! Again! "

Katsuki winced, recalling the day's events.

I never...will….?

He shook his head, clearing his mind of the fucking embarrassment the day had been. It was a momentary weakness on his part. Never fucking happening again. He was running on empty, that was all. He hadn't gotten much sleep the night before and the class ate half his lunch. He'd never even begin to consider that option otherwise. He wouldn't. He couldn't.

He snorted, turning his head to bite the arm holding him captive. She whacked him again, hissing something along the lines of 'don't bite the woman who gave birth to you, bastard!'

"It's your own damn fault for attacking me in the first place. Did you expect me to sit back while you fucking assaulted me?" he muttered, readjusting his hoodie. Fuck. It's stretched now. Katsuki moaned internally, cursing the crazy lady he called mother.

She sighed, running a hand through her head. Strolling to his bed, she plopped down and tapped the space next to her. Katsuki made to sit down at his desk, but the smile on her face told him to 'sit here or else.' Cautiously, he sat down next to her.

"So, what happened?"

Her question was met with silence.

She sighed again, twiddling with an invisible thread on her skirt.

"Izuku dropped by," she said softly. Quietly. As if she didn't want him to hear.

Katsuki's head snapped up, eyes landing on his mother in barely subdued shock. Deku…?

"Kacchan's my friend, so it's okay! "

He shivered, partly from fear and partly from the effort it took to keep himself from collapsing in front of his mother.

"He stopped by the office. He said he brought your things there because you didn't seem to feel well and he didn't wanna bother you."

She laughed.

"That boy really is something. I work almost an hour away, you know? He could've just brought them here."

I know. I know he's something. I don't need you and everyone else fucking reminding me. I get it.

"Katsuki," she addressed. Her tone was uncharacteristically quiet and subdued. She leaned to the left, wresting her head on his shoulder. "What's been going on? You're not yourself."

He really didn't want to talk about this. "Nothing's wrong, mom. I'm fine."

"That's what I fucking mean!" she suddenly exclaimed, grabbing him by the arms and turning him to face her. "You'd never say that! You'd never,ever call me mom unless something was wrong! And you wouldn't be so calm about me asking either!"

"Thanks for your concern, but I don't need it." Lies. All fucking lies.

"Katsuki," she begged, words getting choked up. "Don't shut me out. Please."

He felt like shit. He felt like the worst fucking human, because even though him and his mother had their differences, he didn't like seeing her cry. He hated it, actually. (It was at this point that he realized he hated a lot of things. This ranked pretty high on the list.)

He tried to meet her eyes. He couldn't. Instead, he grunted: "Quit your fuckin' worrying, you hag. I'm fine."

The grip on his arms tightened to painful levels, and he winced in response.

"Oi-"

The look in her eyes stopped him dead in his tracks. She donned what Katsuki called 'The Deku Stare', all fierce determination and no room for argument. He tried to look away, but every time he did, her head would follow.

He panicked a little, because he knew that if she got one good glimpse at his face, his eyes, she'd ask questions. Questions that he didn't need. All they ever did was scream at each other and fight, but he knew deep down she cared. She cared so much that she'd shatter him in the process of trying to help. He knew that if she saw, she'd pry and pry until he broke. She didn't need to see that. He didn't need to feel that.

So he squared his shoulders, schooled his face into a neutral expression, and stared right back.

He knew it had a slim chance of working. His mother was keen in the worst of ways, could pick up on a lie before he even had the chance to leave his lips. If he tried to run, she'd catch him. He knew it wouldn't work, but maybe, just maybe, if he appeared unaffected, she'd leave it alone. She'd leave him to clean up his own fucking mess. He kept his posture relaxed, breaths even, and met her gaze head on.

He doesn't know how long their internal battle went on for. He was just glad when it ended. Finally, finally, she lowered her gaze. She looked upset. Katsuki tried not to care.

He wasn't expecting to be pulled forward, head tucked into her neck, but he didn't protest. Her perfume tickled his nose, and he allowed himself a small smile. He was reminded of when he was young, when dreams he'd never admit to used to wake him up. He'd sneak into his parents' room, all shaky legs and knobby knees. She wouldn't ask any questions, just held him until the tremors stopped and his breathing calmed down. It dawned on him then how fucking exhausted he was, and he secretly reveled in the way that this put him in a sense of relaxation he hadn't known since his match with Deku. She ran her fingers through his hair, smoothing it down and untangling the little knots formed at the base. Just like she used to. The sensation enough used to be enough to put him to sleep, and it might still have, if he wasn't avoiding his bed like the plague. He grumbled, trying to shove he roff. She wouldn't budge.

"You're such a brat," she said, laughing quietly to herself. "You're arrogant, spoiled, and fucking exhausting to be around."

He shoved at her stomach. "Look, if you're here just to fucking insult me-"

"I pay attention."

Katsuki glanced up at her-her chin, to be exact-incredulously. "Are you high?"

She pulled his hair, hard. "Anyway," she said pointedly, grip on his scalp tightening once again. Rolling his eyes, he settled back into the crook of her neck.

"I know you think I don't pay attention to you, but I do."

She'd stumbled upon a particularly stubborn knot, and was working to gently untangle it. It hurt, but it kind of felt good. Katsuki didn't know, he didn't have the brain capacity to think straight at that particular moment in time. Not that he'd admit that.

"I have to." Her voice pulled him from whatever vegetative state he'd just been in. "If you haven't noticed, you're kind of a reckless fucking idiot."

Oh fuck no. "Listen old hag-" he'd shoved himself away from her, fist raised to-to-something. Maybe not hit her, but something.

"Shut up, dumbass! God, can I get a fucking word in without you bitching about it whenever it hurts your feelings?"

Katsuki had almost forgotten why he hated her. Almost.

She tugged him back down. "Next time you move, I'm blowing your face off. Got it?"

He nodded begrudgingly, though secretly he wasn't upset. He kind of liked this, feeling like a little boy again, letting mommy take care of his hurt for him. Deep down, he didn't want it to end.

"You're reckless, and cocky, and get yourself mixed up in all kinds of bullshit. So I watch you. I have to."

"Is there a fucking point to this speech, or..?" he questioned, hissing when she pinched his ear again. Why does every single mom have the same shitty, sadistic ear fetish?

"My point is," she droned, annoyance clear in her voice. Good. See how I feel half the time. "My son is a dumbass who doesn't realize that he isn't invincible. He doesn't know how to ask for help, either. I pay attention to you, you ungrateful brat. Take advantage of it sometime."

Katsuki stiffened, expecting her to ask again, but she was silent. "Okay…" he trailed off, letting himself enjoy the calming presence of his mother for a little longer.

"I get your little speech bullshit, but couldn't you have done it without touching me?"

"Your point is?"

"Why the hell are you touching me?" he asked bluntly, whacking her hand away when it went for his ear for the billionth fucking time.

"Oh shut up. I haven't done this in a while. Besides, you act like you didn't used to beg for cuddles when you were little."

He groaned, slapping her hands away from his head. "Fuck off."

"Besides," she said, running her hands through his hair. I feel like a fucking cat. No wonder they're so damn lazy. "You looked like you needed it."

He smiled bitterly to himself. His mom was rough around the edges, a little loud, a little messy, but still a good woman when it came down to it. The complete opposite of him. She wasn't perfect, but then again no one was. They may have looked alike, talked alike, but they were nothing alike where it mattered. He wondered, not for the first time, how someone as kind as she was managed to raise a fuck up like him.

"Whatever," he'd said. He sighed, letting the steady heartbeat and the fingers running through his hair lull him into a state of semi-consciousness. He was so tired.

Yea, he thought. Maybe she was right, for once.

Fuckin' hell, Katsuki thought to himself, shaking his foot out. His sock had a hole in it, but he couldn't go get another one, because he was halfway to school already. He would go back and get one, but he hadn't been to school for the past two days and he really didn't want to hear his mom's bitching at his return. He could just hear her now…

'Katsuki! What the hell are you doing back here! I let you get away with it for a couple days but you are going your ass to school! Right. Fucking. Now! ' Complete with smoking fists and the banging on utensils on the table. God.

He rolled his eyes at the mere image.

He saw the gaudy gates that guarded U.A. in the distance. The sight wormed its way into his stomach and made a home in the form of anxiety and dread. He had to give a chuckle at that one. Never in a million years had he ever expected to associate dread with the prestigious U.A. Round of applause for the biggest dumbass on the planet.

He truly didn't want to go to school. He didn't want to deal with the stares and whispers and questions or the fucking concern that he didn't fucking need, god dammit, he was fine -

"Scan your I.D. please," a pleasant voice said. Katsuki looked up, realizing he'd made it the the front without noticing. He quickly scanned his I.D., walking the distance to the entrance of the school. Why was he so nervous? Okay, so, he managed to have some sort of panic attack and took out half the class in the process. Couldn't have been the weirdest thing to happen at U.A., right?

Ha ha. Nice try dipshit , he thought, scolding himself for his pathetic attempt at self consolation. He took a deep breath. If he didn't act like anything was amiss, no one else would either. If that didn't work, well… His class had windows, right?

Much like the night before, he took a deep breath, squared his shoulders, and stared straight ahead. He was ready. He was so fucking ready, actually the ones that wouldn't be ready were his classmates, hell yea. He was Katsuki Bakugou, resident badass. He could take on any challenge. Hell fucking yes. He was fucking ready. So, so, so -

"Bakugou?" a voice said from behind him. He craned his neck, coming face to face with Kirishima. "The hell are you doing blocking the door?"

Katsuki fumbled, a hand coming up to cover the lower half of his face. What the fuck, what the fuck, what the absolute fucking fuck.

Did I just pull a fucking Deku?

Dazedly, he moved out of the way. He watched Kirishima enter the class without any weird looks, so apparently he hadn't spoken out loud. Thank fucking god. Kirishima closed the door behind him, and Katsuki just stood there for a second, embarrassed by his own stupidity.

"Wait a-" came Kirishima's voice, muffled by the door. Suddenly, it slid open with enough force to have it almost bounce back closed. "Holy shit! It's Bakugou!"

The door was quickly filled with the excited and happy faces of his classmates, which woah, wait, when the fuck?

"Eh? Really?"

"Bakugou? Bakugou's back?"

"Oi! You feelin' better now?"

Kirishima stood front and center, grinning from ear to ear like a fucking idiot.

"You gonna move outta the fucking doorway so I can get in or you just gonna look like a lost puppy all day?" Katsuki barked.

"Bakubroooo!" Kirishima exclaimed, laughing himself at Katsuki. He quickly dodged, side stepping and knocking him away by his head. He hit the floor with a thud.

"Oops," he said monotonously, stepping over him to get into the classroom.

"Looks like he's feeling better," Kaminari commented with a snicker, hiding his grin behind his hand. Katsuki rolled his eyes, pushing him out of the way to get to his seat.

"Bakugou! I'm glad you're feeling better!" Ochako exclaimed. Her tone was jovial, which was odd, considering they didn't really talk. Why would she be happy about me?

"Yea, yea," he replied, keeping his gaze forward.

"Stoic as ever, I see," Iida greeted smartly.

"I don't think 'stoic' would be the word to describe Bakugou, Iida," Todoroki said stoically from his corner. How fucking ironic, Katsuki thought sarcastically. A flare of irritation rose up in his chest. Fuck off, half-face.

Katsuki slowly but surely made his way to his seat, deflecting the onslaught of questions and comments made by his classmates. He was fine. He really was, until he got to Deku. He tried to ignore him, he really did, but some sick, twisted part of him had to look. Had to see how Deku looked at him. It couldn't have been more than two seconds, the journey from the seat on the other side of Deku's to his own, but Katsuki swore time stopped. Really, brain? Really? More cliche bullshit?

While his expression wasn't necessarily threatening or angry, it was still intense in it's own way. Distantly, he felt that same twinge from earlier grow and unfurl in his chest, blossoming into something ugly. What was with this kid? Why did he rub Katsuki the wrong way with just a fuckinglook? Still, he didn't react, just watched Deku watch him, with that same stupid fucking expression that he always, always wore when he looked at Katsuki now, every fucking time …

Except it wasn't. Somehow the little shit managed to look more and less determined at the same time. Determined, but determined to do what ? It annoyed the shit out of Katsuki. Deku just annoyed him, plain and simple. It was beyond the petty jealousy he'd pinpointed. Something so irksome and rage inducing and just... annoying. God it pissed him off. Always had and probably always fucking would.

He looked at him without hesitation, without fear . 'I know your secret ,' his eyes seemed to say. Even though he knew it was impossible, he hadn't breathed a word to anyone, he felt his hackles rise anyway. Ready for a fight .

Deku might have told his mom that Katsuki was sick, but he knew that Deku knew that was bullshit. Hell, he probably knew that Katsuki knew that he knew it was bullshit. He was too perceptive for his own damn good.

For the x time in y amount of days, Katsuki looked away first. Which was a huge fucking deal because it was a blow to his pride. Katsuki didn't get blows to his pride. It was too big and imposing. Or it fucking was, anyway. (Another thing added to the list of shit he hated. This was ranked pretty high up, too.) Stiffly, Katsuki made his way to his seat, pointedly ignoring the gaze that followed him as he sat down. His throat was suddenly dry and his skin almost uncomfortably hot. (Add that to the list, too.)

"Oi! By the way, Bakugou, why didn't you ever tell me your mom was so hot?" Kaminari shouted from across the room.

Katsuki choked on air, sending him into a coughing fit. Once he regained his composure, he glared at Kaminari with a glare so intense it felt his eyes were smoking.

"What in the actual fuck are you on?" Katsuki asked, tone dangerous. He fixed him with a stare so intense, his head started throbbing.

"Oh yea! She was really hot. Is that what Bakugou would look like if he was a girl? Interesting." Kirishima mused, mischievous smirk on his face.

"Seriously, shut the fuck up."

"I'd date him!" Mineta exclaimed from behind the red head.

"If your balls were as big as the ones on your head, maybe you could get a girlfriend," Bakugou shot back. He stepped back, an expression of-ridiculous-shock on his face. It would've been comical if Katsuki was in the fucking mood.

"Calm down Bakugou," Kaminari advised. "We're just joking."

"Are you though? Are you really? Your face says different, you fucking pervert!" Katsuki exclaimed. He could feel his fists start to get hot. Kaminari dodged his punch, jumping back with a laugh.

"How'd you guess?"

"You're such a douche. When the hell did she come here anyway?"

"Didn't she come to talk to Midoriya? Nice one, bro!" Kirishima added, accompanied by a thumbs up.

Katsuki rounded his glare on Deku so fast he became dizzy with it. A part of him was scared, because what if he told her? What if he told her what really happened, and that was why she was being so weird. He didn't need that, couldn't fucking have that right now.

"She just brought me my notebook 'cause they got mixed up when I dropped them off. C-calm down, K-K-Kacchan," he assured, hands raised. Deku is many things. Many annoying, disturbing things, but he isn't a liar. Katsuki glares at him for a few more seconds for good measure, before turning to face the front.

"Tch."

"Did he just say 'tch'?" Kaminari asked. "Dude, I think you've been watching too much anime."

"You've been watching too much Pokemon," he grumbled, folding his arms across his desk and putting his head in them. Kirishima and Mineta snickered. Iida, not wanting to be kept out of the loop, asked what was going on, earning a boisterous laugh and a knee slap. Fucking really? A knee slap? How fucking old are you, shitty glasses? Ochako joined, but the joke must've been lost on her, because she looked just as confused as Kaminari. You're all fucking idiots.

"But seriously. If Bakugou looked like his mom, as a man I'd have to ask him out. 10/10 would date," Kirishima commented.

"Die."

"True he would be stunning, but his personality leaves much to be desired," Iida commented. Katsuki threatened to break his glasses four different ways and shove them up his ass. No one was taking him seriously though, so he threw up the middle finger.

You: I fucking hate you. You came to my school?

He let his gaze settle over his classmates, all of which had varying degrees of joy and glee written across their faces. It was still different, even if he's gotten used to it over the past few weeks.

His phone buzzed on his desk, and he snatched it up before anyone-Kaminari-could grab it.

Message from Hag (6)

Hag: fuck off i'm working

Hag: also it's your fault for forgetting your shit in the first place

Hag: tell the pikachu fucker that i'm still married and the answer is still no

Hag: and engine legs glasses guy that i'll help him with his chemistry

Hag: also if the balls guy asks i died in an accident

Hag: and tell izuku thanks and there's something in your bento for him

You: Woah, woah. Calm the fuck down.

Hag: not my fault you actually made friends for once and they like me

Hag: when did your personality get decent enough to associate with other humans

You: I fucking hate you.

Hag: same

You: You set a WONDERFUL example for future brats. Good fucking job.

Hag: literally fuck off and never speak to me again.

You: K bye.

There was a low whistle over his shoulder. "Well damn. I see where he gets it from."

"Can you not lean over my fucking shoulder? I don't want your dumbass hair situation getting on me."

Kirishima snatched his phone out of his hand, scrolling through the conversation. "Bakugou, you're so mean," he remarks offhandedly.

"Didn't you just say you know where I got it from? Now give me my shit."

"Yea yea, one sec."

Katsuki decided to just give up. Laying his head in his arms, he closed his eyes. He hadn't slept well last night either. Maybe if he went to sleep, he could catch a few minutes before class started.

As he drifted off, a thought occurred to him. It felt like he had friends . Not followers or lackeys, but real, actual friends that teased him and laughed alongside him without being afraid of his quirk. People who weren't friends with him because of his quirk. People who were just as powerful as he was. The feeling was bittersweet, however, with the memory of what happened the last time he allowed thoughts like these to surface..

"Did you really think I wouldn't be able to tell? Did you forget already? Idiot."

Is this a punishment? Was it because of what he did to him? How he treated him? Was this because of…

He turned his head in the direction of the source of his turmoil. He was laughing, freckled cheeks dusted in a rosy hue and teeth on display. Deku…

Too fucking bright .

He was too bright for Katsuki's darkness. He laughed quietly to himself. More cliche bullshit?

Ugh.

Katsuki honestly wanted to enjoy his lunch. Was that so much to ask? He just wanted to sit his ass down somewhere and pig the fuck out. Were such wishes not granted at this dumb school? In the huge, formidable mass of property taxes known as U.A., could he not find a place to eat quietly? Apparently fucking not.

"Kacchan!"

The voice made Katsuki tense. No matter what outward appearances said, he couldn't look at Deku without his dream coming to mind. Which was bad. Really bad, because once Deku found a problem, he wouldn't quit. Just like his mother. He should have known better. After so many failed attempts at ignoring the kid, he should have known it wouldn't work. He tried anyway. He ignored the voice calling out to him, and he was almost convinced in thinking luck would actually be on his side for once. Until the little idiot came bounding around the corner.

"Oh, Kacchan!" he called, jogging over to the his place against the fence. He couldn't catch a break, for fuck's sake. Like the rude little shit he was, Katsuki shoved some rice in his mouth and didn't respond. Deku took that as a cue to wait until he was ready to talk. Katsuki glanced up at him from the corner of his eye. He was smiling. Why? What was remotely pleasant about being alone with the person that tormented you for over half your life?

God, you're such a fucking nerd.

He'd have to answer eventually, lest he be stuck with Deku staring at him with wide eyes for the rest of the period. Not fucking happening.

"What the hell do you want?" he grumbled, shoving more rice in his mouth.

"Kirishima told me your mom gave you something for me," he confessed. He quickly backtracked at Katsuki's withering glare. "B-but! You don't have to give it to me if you don't want to!"

No shit, Sherlock. I don't owe you shit. Maybe a good beating, his mind supplied. He almost choked. It sounded too much like the bastard from his dream for his liking.

"Shut up," he said. He didn't know whether he was talking to Izuku or his brain. He was leaning towards both. Just being in Izuku's presence unnerved him. He pulled out a little white box. "For Izuku" was written on a note in his mother's messy handwriting. He opened the box excitedly, eyes brightening at what was inside.

"'Hope you still like strawberry,'" he read quietly. "'thanks for dealing with Katsuki.'"

Izuku grinned, taking a bite out of the fruit on top. A pang of jealousy flared up in his chest. His mom didn't make him any strawberry daifuku.

As if he could read his mind, Izuku asked, "Kacchan do you want some? They're really good."

The question aggravated him, because how? How was he sitting here, with Katsuki, smiling and acting as if everything was normal? Like they were friends? He didn't get it.

"K-Kacchan? Can I ask you something?" he requested, twiddling with his thumbs in his lap. No . He took Katsuki's silence as a yes. "Okay. Um. Is everything alright? You just seem...different."

Different, different, different. He was tired of that word. All anyone has been saying to him is how different he's been. Different how? He wasn't any different, and if he was, people were paying too much attention.

"I-I mean! I know we don't talk that much anymore and all-and that's fine! Really, it's fine, and even though we aren't friends I still-"

Katsuki cut him off with a laugh. "Don't screw with me."

"W-what?" he asked, eyes lifting from their spot on his lap to Katsuki's face.

"Friends!? " He stood, dragging Izuku by the collar of his shirt and slamming him into the fence behind him.

"K-Kacchan?" Stop. Don't say my name in that voice. Don't call me that.

"When have we ever even talked!? We weren't even friends! You just used to follow me around like the useless dumbass you are!" No. Stop.

"I'm not screwing with you!" Izuku shouted back with just as much force. It took Katsuki by surprise, because Izuku didn't yell at people. Ever.

"Kacchan! Why are you always like this! I just wanna help!"

This was too much. Too familiar. Too much like that stupid dream that wouldn't go away no matter how he tried.

"I DON'T NEED YOUR FUCKING HELP!" Katsuki bellowed. That seemed to shut him up. "Why am I like this!? Why the fuck are you!?"

It was like the floodgates had been opened.

"No matter what happens, you always come back screaming 'Kacchan, Kacchan!' like nothing ever happened! You want to help? Start by fucking off!"

"No."

Katsuki drug his hand down his face. Why is he like this? "Are you touched in the fucking head?"

"Kacchan," he said, putting both hands on his arms. "It's okay. I'm not going anywhere."

He had the same expression as earlier. Defiant. Fearless. Powerful.

"Kacchan's my friend, so it's okay!"

He couldn't. He really fucking couldn't. He couldn't handle it. He couldn't handle those wide green eyes that somehow still didn't hate him , and he just...snapped. Izuku was shoved back against the fence, Katsuki's arm shoved into his throat before he could utter another word.

"Since you don't seem to get it, let me break it down for you." Katsuki brought his fist into Izuku's line of sight, letting a few small blasts flicker in his palm. "This almost killed you."

Izuku winced. Good.

"This is the hand I used to beat your sorry ass half to death. I nearly blew your fucking arm off. You mean to tell me," he said, arm pressing harder into Izuku's throat, "you still wanna be friends? You don't hate me after I kicked your ass in front of all our classmates and left you for dead?"

As Katsuki watched pain trickle into that expression little by little, he was relieved. It had to be this way. They didn't get a second chance. He watched, as each word tore into Izuku, making him flinch back. His eyes were wet. He knew he was gonna kill himself for this later, but he had to say it. He couldn't afford not to. "I could kill you right here and not give two fucks. Are we still friends, Deku?"

"You won't," Izuku said with conviction.

"I could."

"You wouldn't."

"How do you know? "

Fuck. That question was too loaded, said to much-

"You wouldn't," he repeated, tone softer this time. Katsuki couldn't meet his eyes.

"You don't fucking know that!"

"I do."

"You can't possibly-"

A warm hand touched his cheek. He made to lean away, but another one came to rest on the other cheek. He was turned to face Izuku. "I do know. No matter how you act now, Kacchan is still Kacchan."

There was waiver in his voice. His gaze was the same way. He looked straight into Katsuki's eyes without a shrivel of doubt. Izuku believed without any question in his mind that Katsuki wouldn't do it.

"He's so naive. I wanna burn him."

Katsuki ripped his hands away from his face. "Don't fucking touch me. Don't talk to me, don't even fucking look at me. You think I won't? Your fucking mistake. Next time, I'll finish the job."

He didn't stay to hear the strangled noise that left Izuku's throat nor the silent tears that made their way down his cheeks. He didn't see the way his knees trembled when he left, nor did he hear the panicked breaths leaving Izuku's lungs. He left him on the roof, shaking and crying. Because that's what Katsuki did. He blew things up. He punched and pushed and prodded until there was nothing left.

He bit his lip.

God, he was such a piece of shit.


End file.
